Venus & Mars: 
How Men and Women Think

Have you ever noticed that women and men have two totally different ways of thinking about life, relationships, intimacy, and problem-solving? How is that, better yet, why is that? Well, male’s and female’s brains function differently. What?! That is right – the left side of the male brain (hemisphere) is responsible for thinking, listening, reasoning, completing tasks, and accomplishing goals, while the female brain uses both the right and left hemispheres to complete those brain functions. 

Moreover, male brains are approximately 10% larger than female brains (WebMD, 2005). It is important to note that even though male brains are larger than females, it does not make them more intelligent than their female counterparts. Furthermore, according to WebMD (2005), male brains consist of about 6 times more grey matter, also commonly referred to as “thinking matter,” than female brains. However, female brains consists of 9 times as much white matter (brain tissue that contains numerous nerve fibers) than male brains. White matter is important because it connects various parts of the brain (WebMD, 2005).

Another difference in male and female brain function is the size of the limbic system. Males have a smaller limbic system than women. What does that mean? Well, it means that males tend to be “less expressive,” and have a “weaker” sense of smell than their female counterparts. In other words, females tend to be “more in tune” with their emotions and senses, while males tend to be less connected to these feelings. As a result of the larger limbic systems, females, especially teen and adult women, are more at-risk for developing psychological disorders like: depression and anxiety. In addition, they are also more prone to suicidal ideation (i.e. suicidal thoughts and attempts).  In contrast, as a result of smaller limbic systems, males tend to be more aggressive and less emotionally connected to others. In addition, these individuals tend to commit suicide at a higher rate than females. Lastly, females typically focus on the “big picture” rather than tiny details. In other words, they think more globally then males. They are also able to retain large amounts of data (information) and apply it to various situations. Males, on the other hand, frequently have a harder time recognizing complexities, which makes them more prone to trivializing situations.

It is common for females to feel frustrated when their partners minimize their feelings and emotions, while it is common for males to feel irritated when females “take situations out of context,” exaggerate wrongs, and/or hold grudges. If you are interested in learning more about how women and men think – you have come to the right place. This article will teach you how these two “species” think differently, so you can alter your perceptions, and improve your relationship. 

Big Differences

Relationships

One of the most noticeable areas that females and males differ on is relationships. Yes, women and men often look at relationship from two different perspectives. Women tend to pay close attention to “actions” when dating. In other words, these individuals typically view certain “actions” and indicative of how well the relationship is going. For instance, if a partner neglects to call his girlfriend back in a reasonable (in her mind) amount of time, she may take his “action” as a sign that he is losing interest in her. However, if a partner calls and texts his girlfriend constantly, she may feel “smothered” and remark to her boyfriend that the relationship is moving too fast.  In addition, if a man gives the woman he is dating flowers and candy on Valentine’s Day, the woman may equate this “action” as a sign of love and a possible future together, instead of taking the “action” at face value. Men, on the other hand, are quite different, when it comes to relationships. In fact, men do not always associate “actions” with commitment, love, or betrayal. Sometimes an “action” or lack thereof, is just that – nothing more. As a result of this disconnect (difference) between men and women, problems can arise in the relationship. 

The Happy Balance:  It is important that women refrain from “reading too much” into every “action.” On the flip side, men should make an effort to nurture their relationships. In other words, they need to make sure that their partners feel loved, appreciated, and respected on a daily basis. 

Intimacy

Intimacy is another area in which men and women think differently. Women tend to view intimacy – touching, cuddling, spooning, kissing, hugging, and sex, as an emotional connection, while men often view this form of “closeness” as an “act” sometimes connected to romantic feelings, and sometimes not. Moreover, women typically view intimacy as all-inclusive. In other words, communication, verbal expressions, gestures, and the sharing of ideas, feelings, beliefs and opinions are considered integral parts of an intimate relationship, while men tend to view intimacy as a secure relationship, in which both partners share common interests, activities, and ideologies (i.e. hobbies, sports, competitive natures, and sexual activities).   

The Happy Balance: It is important that women incorporate their partner’s views of intimacy into their vision of an intimate relationship. Women should make an extra effort to learn what makes their partners happy. What are your partners interested in? Are there any sports or hobbies, you and your partner share in common? Once these women figure out what makes their partners “tick,” they should join them.

Spending time with male partners, doing things that they enjoy, will bring both people closer together. Moreover, men should make an extra effort to “please” their female partners. For instance, if their partners enjoy cuddling after a long day, they should make time to cuddle. Or, if the women enjoy watching television before bed, their male partners should make time for this activity. The key is “compromise.” In order to have a happy and successful relationship, it is imperative that you find “common ground.”

Problem-Solving Strategies

Beyond the physical differences between the way females and males think, there are also psychological differences between them. For instance, when females address a problem, they concentrate not only on the issue itself, but also on the extraneous factors contributing to the problem. Men, on the other hand, tend focus most, if not all, of their attention on exhibiting confidence and competence, regardless of the actual problem.  In addition, males typically want to “fix it” and become frustrated when they cannot find a resolution, while females tend to want someone to listen to them as they work through their problems and find solutions on their own. Furthermore, as mentioned before, women tend to look at the “bigger picture” and the future, while men tend to focus more on details and the present.

The Happy Balance: The best way for women and men (in relationships) to effectively communicate with one another is to find that balance in communication and problem-solving strategies. Partners should sit down with one another, and determine the strengths they share in common. They should also determine what areas need improvement. Once both partners understand what areas are strong, and which ones are weak, they should strengthen the areas that they share in common and work on the areas that need to be improved.

With regards to resolving issues, couples should concentrate on common problem-solving strategies. They should abandon the strategies that are ineffective or negative, and embrace the ones that are positive and successful. Work together to find an acceptable “compromise,” but most of all lean on one another when times become challenging, overwhelming or difficult. In other words, offer support and helpful suggestions to one another when trying to resolve relationship, work or personal issues. The best way to improve your relationship is to reinforce your problem-solving and communication skills. But, the keys to healthy, happy, long-lasting relationships are: love, respect, and “compromise.”  

- Dr. R. Y. Langham

References:

Conner, M. (2000). Understanding the difference between men and women. Retrieved from http://www.oregoncounseling.org/ArticlesPapers/Documents/DifferencesMenWomen.htm

Kanazawa, S. (2008). Male brain vs. female brain II: What is an “extreme male brain”? What is an “extreme female brain”? Psychology Today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-scientific-fundamentalist/200803/male-brain-vs-female-brain-ii-what-is-extreme-male-brain

WebMD. (2005). How male and female brains differ. Retrieved from http://www.webmd.com/balance/features/how-male-female-brains-differ?page=2