The Public Should Thank Us: People With Mental Health Illnesses
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I become frustrated every once and a while after a therapy session because half of me beats myself up that I acted so stupidly in Colorado and lost trust and friends, and then half of me is pissed off at humanity. CLASSIC SUSANNA DILEMMA of 2014!! I laugh sometimes over what bugs me sometimes and then I start realizing where I am and how I am feeling and I actually wouldn't change anything in the world for my happiness. So I was driving. Of course all amazing ideas are invented in the shower, in our dreams, or by rocking out to music while we drive somewhere. For some reason I get the one of the best ideas for my writing and advocacy reports for my international organization that I work for when I am driving. It's great!
We all have a time where we just go, 'WHY ME?'. We have people that just show us how hopeless we are or why we are a failure to them in their eyes. We have doctors appointments where we just seem to be racking up points in the 'problems' area. I have heard from friends through treatments of diagnoses that they have acquired and I loose track. Seriously some people have like 7 disorders/illnesses that they have been diagnosed with. What is the reality of it all? I came up with this while listening to Mozart actually. I think one famous composer was bipolar. Of course bipolar just comes out of peoples mouths like some uncontrolled tape player. Truthfully if you look at actual academic research papers on psychoanalysis of Mozart's life, papers, and other historic documents you will find that he 'might have been bipolar' but also that historic documents do not support a diagnosis of bipolar disorder. Don't read the Peter Huguelet 2005 study. It's long, tedious, and I read it at 3AM!
BACK ON TRACK... I know on a daily basis my mind will just sort of think about my situation and it makes me feel bad when I think about it in a certain depressive way. We all have feelings, and we all have been hurt. I always want to say I have hurt more than my friends and family but if we look really close to what has happened in our life or in these last few years in my experience, we sometimes are not as hurt as our family and friends. Mental illness is horrible and to know a friend has just basically blown up a friendship because of lying, cheating, or other bad acts that mental illness creates is just betrayal on each side of the coin.
This morning I realized that unfortunately we need people like you and I who did not sign up to have a mental illness to make society move forward, and to hopefully help society become a better neighbor to the mentally ill. We are making history in my mind. Some of us are suffering terribly. Some may even want to give up, but we are strong - Something I never saw until I overcame things that scared the CRAP out of me. We may not feel like we are willing to live with our so called 'mental health problems' but all of us are deep down in our core are willing and are battling our demons in different ways.