The Importance Of Romantic Behavior

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Few would argue that love is one of the greatest sensations to experience. Romantic love, in particular, adds depth to our lives and allows us to view the world through a new lens. When we first find someone worth giving our adoration, we want to please and impress them. We make grand gestures to show our admiration, desire, and devotion. But as time lapses, those gestures slowly diminish into the mundane, and after the honeymoon phase is over, comfort takes the place of courting. Soon, acts of romance become days on your calendar and are celebrated only on a few days a year.

But if love makes us feel so good that we dedicate our lives to finding someone special, then why do we neglect it once we have it? Don’t you want to feel the effects of love, daily? Don’t you want the person you love to know how much you care about your relationship? It’s easy to say “I love you,” but showing someone just how important they are to you takes action. While romantic gestures seem like something you do for someone else, thoughtfulness and affection are personal qualities that start from within. By cultivating your passion for your partner, you will grow to be more expressive and considerate.

Why Love is Important

Love is intoxicating. Biologically, our bodies respond to it by releasing all sorts of chemicals. Initially, falling in love feels like taking a shot of espresso. When we first meet someone that we find attractive and feel a connection, our hearts beat a little faster, we might feel light headed, and giddiness suffuses our whole being. These reactions occur because the brain releases a host of chemical messengers—oxytocin, phenethylamine, and dopamine—to alert us that a potential mate is in proximately. It’s a primitive function.

Many species demonstrate their adoration for a mate through rituals and bonding. It’s natural to want to belong to a group or one being; however, humans have superior psychological needs that other species do not. We don’t just groom and dance around our mates to keep others from swooping in and taking over; we develop deep, monogamous relationships with one another to provide security, joy, and support for our spiritual needs. Scientific research has also confirmed that feeling loved can improve our physical and psychological well-being:

·         Married people require less doctors’ visits and hospital stays.

·         Healthy marriages lead to fewer individual depression rates, which also helps to diminish alcohol and drug abuse rates among married individuals.

·         People who are happy in their marriages have better blood pressure than single people, with unhappily married people having the worst blood pressure.

·         Happily married people exhibit less stress and anxiety.

·         Married couples experience less pain, colds, and typically heal faster.

·         People in healthy and happy relationships tend to live longer.

Choose to Be More Romantic

Romance doesn’t just happen. It is a conscious choice, and it takes effort. Hollywood and romance novels give us a glimpse of romance for a few hours at a time, subliminally telling us what to expect. Real life doesn’t work that way, and a healthy long-term relationship depends upon kindness, consideration, and regular romantic gestures.

As you age with your partner, your needs change and so do theirs. Growing together is the key. But you can’t develop as a strong, healthy couple without individual growth and insight. Identify and communicate, regularly, what you need from your partner and ask the same of them. Change your lens to new love, although it may be difficult to move beyond some painful memories or pet-peeves. You have to work on self-development before you can fortify your connection. Once you begin to embrace these changes, the small romantic gestures you make will nurture your relationship, making it stronger and sustainable.

The ABC’s of Romance

Attention: Practice providing your partner with full attention. Even if he or she is telling you about a trivial event that happened at work, put everything down, face them, and listen.

Be kind: Courtesy and gratitude are staples of a working relationship. Say “thank you” often, even for taking out the trash. Acknowledge what they do for you. Be respectful and helpful.

Compliment: Try telling your partner, at least once a day, that they look nice. Be specific with your comments. Tell them you love how that outfit looks on them or that you like the way they did their hair. This demonstrates desire.

Date:  You are never too old or busy to date. If you have to, plan regular date nights so nothing prevents you from going out.

Excitement: You don’t have to be Don or Donna Juan, but try being spontaneous. Surprise your love with a trip, picnic, breakfast in bed, or just steal a kiss when they’re not expecting it.

Flirt: Tease each other, like you used to. Lock eyes. Write little notes. Mind how you look. Use subtle touches. Use humor. Smile.

Goodbyes: Make your goodbyes and good-nights special. Always say, “I love you.” Always give a kiss. Make your partner understand that they will be missed and that you look forward to seeing them when you return to one another.

- Melissa Lavery, M.S.

References

Britt, D. (2015). The Psychology Behind Love and Romance. Retrieved March 14, 2015, from http://source.southuniversity.edu/the-psychology-behind-love-and-romance-70700.aspx

Goldsmith, B. (2010, October 30). 10 Ways to Make Your Relationship Magically Romantic. Retrieved March 14, 2015, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/emotional-fitness/201010/10-ways-make-your-relationship-magically-romantic

Rauh, S. (2009). Surprising Health Benefits of Love. Retrieved March 14, 2015, from http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=97679

Verdolin, J. (2015, March 5). Why We Need to Make Romantic Gestures. Retrieved March 14, 2015, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/wild-connections/201503/why-we-need-make-romantic-gestures?utm_source=FacebookPost&utm_medium=FBPost&utm_campaign=FBPost