Single and Happy: The Bigger Picture
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“I’m tired of being single.” I think I hear more women say this line that than men, and for some reason, it seems that more men than women are able to be alone and satisfied. Maybe it’s true, because there are more men than women, which means that men have a lot of options. However, being alone is not the end of the world. People who are married and in committed relationships may look a happy, but, you don’t have to go home with them. Human beings are not wired to be alone, and all of us have the need to be with someone and to be a part of a group. As a result, the constant feeling of loneliness can minimize your chances of finding a mate because you walk around looking miserable. Who wants to be with a sour puss?
Many people make the mistake of getting involved with another person too quickly after be leaving a relationship, but getting involved with another person doesn’t cure your loneliness. It only temporarily suppresses your fear of being alone, but you may soon find that your fear resurfaces as you ruin the relationship by bringing unresolved issues and baggage along with you. You may notice yourself suddenly starting to lower your standards and allowing your partner to control your relationship. The more and more I listen to people talk about their relationships and marriages, the more I think twice about getting being in a relationship. However, I remind myself to not get discouraged, and you shouldn’t either. Stay away from people who talk negatively about their marriage and their relationships. They can give you bad advice and make companionship appear bleak. If you have a good thing, there is no need to talk about it.
How To Be Single And Happy
1. Learn to be by yourself. If you don’t know how to be by yourself you will fall for anything and anyone. You will start dating anyone and may end up with a frog instead of a prince. Unsuitable men can sniff out a desperate woman immediately, and whether it's conscious or unconscious, remember that men who prefer a desperate woman want to control you, and will do so by feeding on your fear of being alone.
Some of my colleagues look at me and think that I don’t have any problems, so they are shocked when they find out that I don’t have a boyfriend. However, not having a boyfriend is not the cause of my happiness. I am happy because I am satisfied with my life, and I recognize that loneliness is a state of mind. Learn to be by yourself, and you will realize that you have boundless internal resources that can enrich your life and inspire you to grow and develop your life.
2. Surround yourself with other single people. A single woman doesn’t need to be around married men and women who are in a committed relationships. Why? One, because they always talk about their relationship, and two, they have a curfew. Three, the one I hate the most, they only want to hang around you when they want to have a girls’ night out. You need to spend time with single people in order to have someone to talk to and relate with and not feel like you are the “third wheel”. When your single friend gets into a relationship, their attention focuses upon on building their relationship, and their attention to you may diminish. This is why all of sudden they don’t have time to talk to you when you feel down, especially on Valentine’s Day. Don't take it personally - Just find your good single friends, and spend time with them as you take your time to decide when and how to get into your own committed relationship.
3. Stop talking about It. Stop constantly talking about how you are sad about not having a man - People will get tired of it. I always wondered why my friends always rushed to get off the phone with or let a sigh when they answered the phone - They were tired of my pity parties. Constantly talking about your oh-woe-is-me life situation will lead to negative thoughts about yourself, and it alienates people from you.
4. Just "Do you". The worst thing that I hate is when people feel sorry for me. I know they have good intentions, but I am in no hurry to jump into a relationship before I know what I want. Start a new hobby and do the things that you love to do. Finding hobbies and doing things on your own you like to can help you feel better about yourself - Enjoy your independence. In other words, if you have something to do you don’t have time for your pity party, and you can appreciate the freedom that the single life offers.
After my breakup, I started working out, continued my education, and traveled. As a result, I felt better about myself and didn’t feel nearly as alone as just after the breakup. I lost weight in all the right places and lived my life to the fullest, so now my ex-boyfriends hate that they let me go. More importantly, you will be happy, and happiness with attract the right man for you. Personally, I like to take time to reflect on my life, which helps me to discover that I am better off than my non-single friends. Although I sometimes feel alone, wanting companionship, I remember my past relationships, thanking God that I didn’t commit to something that would have been wrong for me and ending up unhappy.
Just think, do you want to be the girl in the office talking about everything you hate about your husband, or do you want to take the time necessary to make a wise decision and live a happy and fulfilling life with your partner until "death do us part"?
- Heather Browning, MBA, BA
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