Personal Growth Part 3: 
Dealing With Difficult People

Okay. You might ask what does learning how to deal with difficult people have to do with your personal growth. Let me tell you:  Dealing with difficult people affects your problem solving skills and emotional stability. I should really say that successfully dealing with negative people is important to your sanity - Has anyone ever told you that you tend to hold on to grudges for a long time or that your personality dramatically changes after someone irritates you? People have said that about me. 

Part of the personal growth process includes learning to deal with difficult people, and the more that you are able to keep your emotions in check, the more you able to deal with any type of situation.  Some licensed professionals try to tell you why you have a hard time dealing with people, and they also include reasons for why the person exhibits certain behaviors.

However, most of the time, it is not about you, so don’t worry about whether or not that it’s about you when somebody is mean or rude to you during nearly ever interaction that you share.. People purposely try to make other people miserable. First off, just be aware that there is something about you that they like, and they don’t want to admit it. Often this is nothing but their own feelings of insecurity. Second, they likely have personal issues and think that you are the cause of their problems. Lastly, sometimes they are just plain crazy - OK maybe that's not super helpful, but you get my point.  People who are mean to you have an inner challenge that they are working through - It's on THEM.

Recognize that not everyone is going to like you, and you are not born into a world where everyone follows the “Golden Rule."  In fact, the "Golden Rule" was introduced to the world as a means by which to remedy the problems that are still so persistent in human behavior - It's not something that already happens. So, be the bigger person, and focus on you on how react to ignorant people. 

Benefits of Self-Control 

1.  You learn to control your temper. 

In a perfect world you can fight or “tell off” everyone you don’t like and not have to deal with any consequences.  I do. Confession - Sometimes I daydream about hitting the person while I smile and nod at them during their irrational ranting and raving.  But do I act on my aggressive emotions?  No.  Controlling your temper in turbulent situations is a sign that you are learning how to communicate effectively, and is it sign of maturity. You are finally admitting to yourself that you (like many of us) have an anger problem. The primary way you can experience a productive personal growth process is admitting that you have a problem and work on resolve it - Use anger as an opportunity to strengthen yourself through controlling your behaviors even when emotions are urging you to take action.

2.  Respond Consciously. 

Humans have a natural instinct to respond to every remark and every situation based upon emotional impulse, but sometimes it is best to walk away. I have the habit of looking at people and not responding when they say something aggressive toward me, and each time it amazes me to see the dumbfounded look on their faces when I walk away.  Don’t let anyone take advantage of you, but learn to respond at the appropriate time and at the appropriate place to respond to an aggressive individual. Most people like to confront you and stir up trouble in the most inappropriate places. For example, in front of a large group of people. Don’t fall for that trick. Be the bigger person and walk away.

3.   Rebuild Your Image

First impressions are the most important.  People observe your behavior, closely watching everything that you say or do, but the most important thing you need to focus on is how your response to negative behavior affects your public image.  Do you want people to think you are not able to control your emotions or that you are a hot head? No. Learn and develop meditation techniques, and always learn to think before you react. You want people to think that you are professional and pleasant to be around.

Dealing with difficult people, including family, is a natural part of life. Irrational people exhibit negative behavior, and they reflect their negative behavior towards you.  You cannot control another person’s actions, but you can control yours and subsequently learn how to influence others. Part of the personal growth process is learning how to manage the image that is projected into the public sphere, and the first step to ensuring that you can maintain a positive image is through learning how to control your emotions when others lose control of their own.

- Heather Browning, MBA, BA