Married and Bored?
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The older I get, the more I find myself surrounded by married couples. No, I don’t feel left out. I am perfectly fine with my marital status. Although I think other people are not happy with their marital status - Facial expressions speak louder than words, and so does premature gray hair. For many, I believe that marriage can be a beautiful life experience, but for some it can be a downright boring experience, and this is often due to the fact that people do not give themselves enough space to be alone with themselves and alone as a couple.
You will most certainly have arguments and not want to talk to each other. The only difference between married people and unmarried people in committed relationships is that the unmarried couples can leave without filing paperwork. However, married people make a commitment to look at each other and work with each-other whether they like it or not. Now, if you are married and your spouse leaves after you have an argument, you might have a bigger problem than a boring marriage. But that is not the point. The question is: Why is your marriage borring, and what can you do about it?
How To Avoid A Boring Marriage
When you get married, each of you will have to modify your lifestyles. Two people become one, including households, bills, credit, and money, and this means that you will develop habits and routines. Both of you have to start building a life together if you are a young married couple, and that means sharing things like entertainment, restaurants, adventures, etc. You will spend a whole lot of time with one person - Day in, and day out, which can wear on a person's attraction levels. Remember to find the things that you loved to do when you were single - Your own personal passions - And take time away from your spouse to create space and enjoy your own inspired activities. When you come back together, you will have found interior resources that you can use in order to boost your sense of self. Doing things that you love helps you to recharge your "Self" in order to bring yourself back to your partner with a sense of fulness. Don't ignore your own personal needs and passions in order to spend 24/7 with your partner. Take space apart from eachother, discover yourself, and return to connect more deeply. This may look like taking an afternoon for golf and tennis or a weekend trip with your friends.
Create Space From Your Kids
The first thing that you must do is raise your children to be productive citizens, but that doesn’t mean your marriage has to suffer for it. Always keep in mind that your children pay attention to how you interact with your spouse, because what your children see is how that they will deal with their future relationships with their mates.
Don't become too involved with everything you have to do with your children that you forget to enjoy your marriage - Your children don’t have to go with you on every vacation In fact, they should go to a summer camp so that you can manage to find some time alone. Don’t get so caught up in your family life that everything you do has to involve your kids. Sometimes kids need to go to their grandparents’ house or to a babysitter. Go to the movies with your partner alone. Make dates, and keep your marriage passionate by creating space away from your kids.
Ever wonder why people get divorced after the kids are grown and out of the house? It is because the parents invested most of their marriage into raising children to the point that they don’t know how to have a relationship without children. Marriage is a cycle, and in the beginning you don’t have children or you have a blended family. Your children grow up and leave the house, and now you have the house to yourself again.
If you don’t spend time alone with your partner during your marriage and while your children are growing up, you will not know how to enjoy each other when your children are gone. You will eventually start co-existing in the same house. You may not know how to communicate with each other, and the only reason that you are together is for the sake of being together.
Marriage is what you make it, and t takes hard work and commitment. Yes, you will have to make adjustments in the beginning, but you don’t have to live like an old couple when you are young. Do what you have to do to take build a future and take care of your family. But never forget to enjoy your marriage. Create space for yourself, and create space for each-other. This will help to avoid a monotonous relationship that lacks meaning and purpose. Discover your own personal passions, and rember to recharge yourself in order to sustain a happy and fulfilling relationship.
- Heather Browning, MBA, BA
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