Love The One You're With?

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Divorce. For some people, the word brings back bad memories. The divorce rate has drastically increased in the United States over the past 50 years as more and more people are no longer following old traditions (2015). What traditions? Before women entered the workforce and were able to have a personal checking account, women only finished grade school and married as young as 18 years-old. People were told to remain married no matter what.

Now we are living in a new era. There is one thing that bothers me the most is how some people handle divorce, but perhaps I am just being too hard on people in an otherwise challenging situation. Many women become depressed after getting a divorce - That's what bothers me. I hear ultra conservative people say that they weren’t raised to get a divorce because it’s not in the Bible, which only talks about divorce if the woman commits adultery.

The Internet is flooded with articles that list the major reasons what people get divorced. The top three reasons seem to be money, infidelity, and not knowing what he or she is getting in to (2015). We will discuss other causes of divorce in a moment, but, I don't want to skip over the following idea:  Did you ever think that maybe the person you married wasn’t the one you were supposed to marry?  Many people really don’t consider my question a factor as to why their marriage is not working. Using the Bible as an example, if God wants humans to marry and procreate, God also wants you to use common sense. Just as much as the Bible tells you that it is better to marry than to be alone, the Bible also tells you what to look for in a mate - male or female. 

Take Your Time

When you first meet someone, everything is great in the beginning. He or she seems perfect or you “fall in love”, failing to see the flaws that can be harmful in your relationship. The best way thing you can do for yourself is to learn how to be by yourself and take your time in a relationship, because if you find yourself in a destructive relationship and don't take time to recover, you will continuously make the same mistakes. Remember, that the common denominator is you.  

Take your time.  I think people make the mistake of getting married in their 20s. For people who do and are happy, don’t pay attention to this part of the article, but sometimes it is best to live life and settle down after exploring the world. The last thing you want to do is regret not doing things in your life because got married. Furthermore, waiting to get married will give you the opportunity to get to know yourself and develop the maturity required for a stable relationship - You may just discover that you are not the same person as you were when you were 20.

Divorce is not a bad thing. Sometimes, divorce is the best thing that can happen to you. But, let it be the last result. Communication styles, different sets of values, and finances can drastically affect your marriage, but learning how to work through you problems will make you realize that your marriage is not as bad as you think. Only a third party can make you understand the problems in your marriage.  

Why Do People Get Divorced?

After Googling the top reasons why people get divorced, I found hundreds of article that list things such as lack of communication, money, and lack of intimacy. Many of the articles focus on money and lack of communication, but I found one article called, Reasons for Divorce. The article thoroughly explains common reasons why people get divorced, 18 common reasons to be exact.

The article addresses the common reasons that people would not think would affect a marriage such as boredom, loneliness, traumatic experiences, and stress (2015). The article never mentions money as one the common reasons for divorce.  If divorce is your only option, carefully access the pros and cons, but always remember that having good peace of mind is priceless, no matter what the cost.  If you are considering a divoice as a last resourt, seek counseling after your divorce and after the divorce litigation.  A divorce is just like any other traumatic life experience, and it can have negative affects to your self-esteem.  Consulting with a licensed professional or your pastor can help you be a better mate to someone else in the future.  

- Heather Browning, MBA, BA

Professional-counseling.com. (n.d.). Reasons for Divorce. Retrieved February 3, 2015.