Learning to Forgive

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Have you been holding grudges against those who have caused you pain? Have you been angry on a regular basis because of something someone has done to you? If you can say yes to either of these things then you may be hurting. This is very common for many people and you don’t have to stay that way. You can forgive those who have caused you pain. For over ten years I would keep grudges that I told myself I had forgiven but I truly hadn’t. I would let the pain that was done to me break down my self-esteem and therefore break down my life as well. I was so focused on the pain that I had that I couldn’t see any happiness in my life. About 3 months ago I realized (through counseling and advice from others) that I couldn’t continue to live my life in that manner. I had to let go of the pain and forgive those who have caused me pain. I didn’t have to get along with those people but I had to have forgiveness. At first, I had no idea how I would gain this forgiveness and move past the pain but finally I came up with a plan that worked for me.

What are some of the ways that you can gain the forgiveness you need?

If you are used to holding onto pain that was done to you then it can be very difficult to gain the forgiveness that you need to move past that pain. However, getting past this pain can help you to live your life the way that you would like to live it. You see, when you are constantly living with pain (yes, even if this is emotional pain) you aren’t able to appreciate the things in your life that mean the most to you. There are many ways that you can gain the forgiveness that you need to get past the pain just as I have.

Make a list of those that have caused you pain. One of the first things that you will need to do is to make the list of those that have brought pain into your life. When you write down the list of people you will have a visual of how much pain you have been holding onto. You should also write down what type of pain (or feelings) you have and how long you have held onto this pain.

Choose one of these people to forgive first and make a plan. It can often be very helpful to choose the person who you have had pain from for the least amount of time. Sometimes this pain can be the easiest to forgive. If it isn’t maybe you might want to try forgiving the person from the longest ago who caused you pain. After you choose someone to start with you should make a plan. You should decide what you will say to them and remember to not blame just forgive. You should decide where you will talk to them in order to offer this forgiveness and you should decide when you will do this.

After you have done the two things mentioned above you should take action. When you have someone that you would like to forgive and you have made your plan then you can take action. You can act on your plan. However, you should make sure to remember that once you are ready to take this act of forgiveness you must be fully willing to forgive. As previously mentioned, you don’t have to all of a sudden have a relationship with that person again but forgiveness must be in your heart and your mind.

Forgiveness is one of the keys to having more happiness in your life. If you are able to offer forgiveness to those who have hurt you in your life then you will find that you are also able to have more happiness in your life as well. You see, holding onto this pain only causes damage to your life and to your self-esteem as well. You don’t have to hold onto the pain any longer. Use the steps above to forgive and move past the pain.

- Cara