I Want To Be Noticed But We Don't Have To Be Noticed
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There are some people who don't like to share things about themselves and I know I have shared too much about myself but this happens when we feel like an outcast during certain times of out recovery but possibly life overall living with a mental illness.
I have an Instagram and I posted some photos of the colonial that I am in, in Mexico working under a social worker from Canada. I posted things hoping id get more likes than I have gotten as of now and the thing is, is that I recognize this thought process and literally become embarrassed that I experience this need to be noticed. If a everyday person is reading this I don't want to sound creepy. I'm just trying to describe what happens sometimes and I've given it a lot of thought and I know it is because I feel lonely still in a weird way. Not all the time, but the only way I can explain the feeling is as though people can see inside of me and see my diagnosis. We all know people can do that but I know I am not the only one who experiences that feeling periodically in their day to day lives.
We all may seem needy if people read things that we write about our experiences with our diagnoses but the plain and simple fact is that we are sharing things that most people do not share. Things like hoping people will like a photo almost obsessively. If a person said that to most people they most likely would be looked at as weird.
My whole point of this post is that there is nothing wrong with sharing our emotions. This doesn't mean we should share our diagnoses but I do want to stress the importance if showing who you truly are. I'm not going to lie, I was worried about writing about this with the plain fact that I was worried men would think me daft for writing a post about being obsessive with a photo. It is my right, and yours as well to share what we want but be able to pay the consequences.
I made the decision to share my story to help others and from emails from a few readers I think I am doing just that. My family does not approve really of this blog or my advocacy entirely but we have to make a choice and sharing my story has been a crucial participant in my recovery. Not really entirely sharing it but more challenging myself to do things that have helped others but have made people fall away from me. This may seem bad but it isn't. There are people in our lives that may not approve of our diagnosis or what we are doing with our lives but happiness is defined differently for everyone. I have learned this in the past few months.
Just like my Instagram photo we all will have this want to be noticed after being ignored and left out but we should never try and do things to purposely conform to what society expects a person with a mental illness in becoming. That is where as a person we all fail. It is easy to be obsessive over a photo and wanting to erase it when only say 4 people liked it instead of 11. All we have to do is press one button and most likely people won't even care or notice your photo has been deleted. What we benefit from is leaving that photo up and working through those embarrassing torturous emotions to discover that sharing that photo is something you decided to do and what is important is bathing in the reason why you thought people might like a photo (in this situation). We do things usually for a purpose and it really doesn't matter what others think or say about what we decide to do that may make us happy.