How to Stop Loving Someone Once the Relationship Has Ended
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“Isn't it funny how the memories you cherish before a breakup can become your worst enemies afterwards? The thoughts you loved to think about, the memories you wanted to hold up to the light, and view from every angle--it suddenly seems a lot safer to lock them in a box, far from the light of day, and throw away the key. It's not an act of bitterness. It's an act if self-preservation. It's not always a bad idea to stand behind the window, and look out at life instead.”
Do you feel like you will never get over a past love? Do you feel like no one else will ever measure up to your ex? If so, you are not alone. Millions of people experience feelings of hopelessness and helplessness once a relationship has ended. Truth-be-told, most people envision a long, happy life with their partner. Unfortunately, that does not always happen – sometimes relationships end. Some relationships end on a mutual note, but others end with resentment, anger, pain, and hostility. The good news is that you will eventually stop loving your ex. In other words, it will take time to officially “get over” your ex, but it will happen.
Don’t get me wrong, you will probably retain residual feelings for him or her for a while – a long while. And, if your relationship ended on “bad” terms, you may harbor angry feelings for your ex for months or even years, but the spark you once felt for him or her will no longer be there. When you get to the point, in which you can think about your ex, and not feel negative or sad feelings, you will be healed from your “wounds.” It is important that you understand that you will not always be in pain from your last relationship, in fact, with time, you will find love once again. So, is it time for you to stop loving your ex? If so, you have come to the right place. This article will teach you how to stop loving someone once the relationship has end.
Listed below are ways that you can stop loving someone once the relationship has ended:
Yep, you will need to cry, and cry, and cry, if you want to get over ex. It is ok to cry. Why? Well, because you lost something dear to you, whether it was by choice or not. You deserve to have a moment to grieve and regroup. You miss your ex, or at the very least, you miss the relationship (i.e. the things you used to do). So, go ahead and cry into your pillow, or to a friend, and if you can’t bring yourself to cry, then punch a boxing bag or pillow a million times, until you feel better. Regardless of how you choose to express your pain, find a way to do it (in a healthy way). Why? Well, because if you don’t, you will not be able to grieve and heal from the experience!
Remove Yourself from the Scene
If you really want to stop loving someone once your relationship has ended, you will need to remove yourself from the scene. In other words, refrain from frequenting places that you used to visit with your ex. Also, spend less time with friends that you and your ex share in common. Why? Well, because it will be awkward for you and your mutual friends. And, it will place them in a tough situation. It will force your friends to take sides, even if you don’t ask them to. Explain to you friends that you are going through a breakup, and you need time to heal. Inform them that you will let them know if you need anything, and ask for their patience during this difficult time. Most likely, your friends will understand. In the meantime, why not open yourself up to new experiences. For instance, start hanging out with new people (i.e. co-workers, family members, friends you had in school (not connected to your ex), etc.). Also, try out some new restaurants, and/or engage in new activities (that do not remind you of your ex).
Focus on You!
You can stop loving someone once the relationship has ended by focusing on yourself. In fact, this may be the best time for you to “better” yourself, and do what makes you happy. For instance, if you have been dying to shed a few extra pounds – join a gym, and/or ramp up your exercise routine. Or, if you have been dying to get your hair cut – go to the beauty salon or barber, and get your hair cut and styed the way you want it. You no longer have to answer to someone else, which is freeing for you. So, when you find yourself drifting back towards your ex, plan a mini-vacation with a trusted friend, check out a new concert, go get a manicure/pedicure and massage from a spa, hit the town with your “posse,” and/or take a million bubble baths. In other words, do what makes your feel good!
Update Your Contact List
You will also need to update your smartphone contact list. In other words, you will need to delete your ex’s contact information from it. Why? Well, because if you have readily available access to your ex (i.e. phone number, email, etc.), it will be harder for you to get over him or her, because you will constantly have the urge to call, text, or message him or her. By deleting your ex’s contact information (especially if you do not have it memorized), you will be prevented from harassing your ex. Also, stop following your ex on Facebook, Twitter, and/or Instagram. In fact, you should probably “defriend” and “block” your ex on those websites. Why? Because, if you remain friends with him or her after you breakup, you will be tempted to “check in” on him or her. And, if you see something or someone that upsets you, it will only make you angrier or sadder. It will also make it harder for you to stop loving him or her.
If you try these suggestions, and they do not work for you, it may be time for you to seek help from a mental health professional (i.e. counselor, psychologist, therapist, clinical social worker, or psychiatrist). This professional will be able to teach you healthy and effective problem-solving, communication, and conflict-resolution strategies. He or she will also provide you with a private, safe, and supportive platform to share your innermost feelings. Furthermore, this individual will be able to guide you through the grieving process, so you can stop loving your ex, and move on with your life.
Goodreads. (2015). Quotes about breakups. Retrieved from http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/breakup
Kim, J. (2011). How to want to get over a breakup. Psychology Today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/valley-girl-brain/201105/how-want-get-over-breakup
Meyers, S. (2012). 'It's over!' 10 breakup survival tips to get you through it. Huff Post. Retrieved from http://www.huffingtonpost.com/sheri-meyers/breakup_b_1726268.html
Oprah. (2004). What to Do When You're Devastated After a Breakup. Retrieved from http://www.oprah.com/relationships/How-to-Get-Over-a-Breakup