How to Spice Up Your Marriage Once You Have Children

According to the statistics website, Statistic Brain (2015), approximately 2,000,000 couples get married in the United States each year. And, approximately 60% of children live with their biological or adoptive married parents (Family Facts, 2015).

Getting married and having children can be a wondrous experience; however, if you aren’t careful, you and your spouse may lose touch with one another. How? Well, once you have children your “married life” changes drastically. For instance, when it was just the “two of you,” you could stay up all night cuddling, kissing, and making love, but now that your “bundles of joy” have arrived, most of your time is spent with them – caring for them, managing them, loving them, guiding them, and providing for them. Once you have children, your world revolves around them. And, as a result, there is a greater possibility that you and your spouse will get lost in the “hurricane” called “Kids.” You love your children, but you also love your spouse.

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What do you do in that situation? How can you rekindle the passion you and your spouse once felt for each other? And, if the spark is still alive in your marriage, how do you maintain it as your children require more attention, love, guidance, support, etc.? The good news is that your marriage does not have to suffer because you have children. In fact, you can rekindle the fire and maintain the flame with the helpful activities listed in this article. You can, in this situation, have your cake and eat it too! If you are interested in learning new ways to “spice up” your marriage once you have children, you have come to the right place. This article will provide you with all of the tips you need to rekindle and maintain the sparks in your marriage.  Listed below are ways that you can “spice up” your marriage once you have children:

Put Your Spouse First

A good way to “spice up” your marriage once you have children is to put your spouse first. In other words, put his or her needs above your own. Truth-be-told, this may be quite challenging, especially if you are used to always “getting your way.” But, sometimes, you have to step out of your comfort zone to please and accommodate others. So, think about what your spouse likes, wants, desires, and needs – and surprise him or her with something that will brighten his or her day, and draw you closer together. For example, if your husband loves for you to wear sexy lingerie – pick up a sexy “teddy,” and seduce him as soon as he steps in the door from work. Note: Make sure the children are out of the house (i.e. an overnight sleepover, spending the evening with friends, daycare, school, or visiting relatives).

You may not be thrilled with the idea of wearing a “teddy” for him, however, this act is about him – not you, so chuck it up and make an effort. If “teddies” aren’t “your thing,” why not try a handwritten love letter, flowers, a home cooked dinner complete with wine, candles, and dessert, and/or a sexy note or card. Although this may involve a little extra maneuvering to “make it all work,” it will be worth it to see the surprise and/or joy on your spouse’s face. And, who knows - maybe your spouse will one day return the gesture. These types of romantic and sexy activities can reignite the sparks in your relationship.

Go on a Date!

One of the best ways to rekindle the “sparks” in your marriage once you have children is by going on dates. What better way to reconnect with one another than by taking time out of your busy, chaotic life to talk, cuddle, go to dinner, catch a movie, “hang out,” and make love. Dating again will remind you why you fell in love and got married in the first place. So, call a babysitter, or send your children over to their friends’ home for the night, go to another room and get dressed (you want to surprise your spouse with your outfit), and agree to meet in the living room at a specified time. At the designated time, walk out and model your outfit for your spouse, and have him or her do the same. Compliment each other on how fabulous you both look, and walk hand-and-hand to the car. Once at your destination, cuddle, talk, kiss, “play footsy,” laugh, and just enjoy each other’s company. At the end of the date, you will be “itching” to go on another as soon as possible.

Flirt

Yes, flirt. Why? Well, flirting can “spice up” your marriage once you have children. How? Well, flirting can be sexy and subtle (not catching the attention of your children). It is a good way to let your spouse know that he or she is still the “apple of your eye.” So, tell your spouse how much he or she is loved and appreciated by flirting with him or her. And, compliment spouse on his or her hair, loss of weight, outfit, body shape, intelligence, wit, charm, humor, etc.  In other words, stoke your spouse’s ego. Flirting with your spouse will rekindle the sparks in your relationship by making him or her feel “special.” So, the next time you are in a formal or serious environment together – wink at your spouse, and whisper “I love you.” Or, when your spouse steps out of the shower in the mornings – tell him or her how good his or her physique looks. Your spouse will eat up the praise, and as a result, you will feel closer to each other than ever before.

Relax – Together

Another excellent way to “jazz up” your marriage once you have children is to relax – together. In other words, once the children have fallen to sleep for the night, retreat to your bedroom for “Mommy and Daddy Time.” Take a hot shower together, slip into something sexy, cute and/or comfortable, open a glass of champagne or wine, or pop open a can of beer, climb in bed, and snuggle, talk, watch television, play adult games, make love, and or “spoon.” In other words, do what makes you and your spouse happy. If you want to really “spice up” the time you have together – give each other personal massages complete with candles, aromatherapy oils, dimmed lights, and soft music. Take your time and enjoy this private moment together - sans your children. Relaxing – together will ease your stress, reduce your tension, and serve as foreplay, if you so desire.

Cook – Together

Lastly, another great idea that can “spice up” your marriage once you have children is to cook together. Your spouse may not consider cooking a way to rekindle sparks in your relationship, but in reality it is a wonderful way to stoke the flames of love. How? Well, cooking together allows you to work on your collaboration, communication, and problem-solving skills. It also gives you time to catch up on how both of your days were. Moreover, you can talk about future plans, your children, jobs, relatives, friends, fears, wants, desires, and so on, while cooking. This time can be used to learn more about each other. So, “spice up” up your marriage by grabbing a glass of wine or a can of beer, throwing a couple of aprons on, and firing up the grill! You will be laughing and eating in no time at all.

- Dr. R. Y. Langham

References:

Family Facts. (2015). Despite recent decline, two-thirds of children live with married parents. Retrieved from http://familyfacts.org/charts/140/despite-recent-decline-two-thirds-of-children-live-with-married-parents-

Grundy, K. (2010). 20 ways to spice up your marriage after kids. She Knows. Retrieved from http://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/813501/20-ways-to-spice-up-your-marriage-after-kids-1

Huffington Post. (2013). Better sex: 5 Ways to spice things up in your relationship. Retrieved from http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/04/10/better-sex-5-ways-to-spice-things-up_n_3052039.html

Statistic Brain. (2015). Marriage statistics. Retrieved from http://www.statisticbrain.com/marriage-statistics/