How To Heal From A Broken Heart
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“Pain is a pesky part of being human. In fact, I have learned that it feels like a stab wound to the heart, something I wish we could all do without in our lives. Pain is a sudden hurt that can't be escaped. But, then, I have also learned that because of pain, I can feel the beauty, tenderness, and freedom of healing. Pain feels like a fast stab wound to the heart. But then healing feels like the wind against your face as you spread your wings, and fly through the air! We may not have wings growing out of our backs, but healing is the closest thing that will give us that wind against our faces.”
~ C. Joybell C.
Are you suffering from a broken heart? If so, just remember that it is only temporary. Truth-be-told, there is almost nothing worse than going through a break up. Unfortunately, almost everyone experiences heartbreak at one or more times in their lives. It is a part of being human – and living. And, although it may feel as if you will never heal from your broken heart, you will. A year from now, you will be in a way better place. Who knows you may even get bitten by the love bug once again. The point is that you will eventually heal from your heartache. And, although, it may feel as if the world has crumbled right in front of you – it hasn’t. You will heal, and move on with your life. And, guess what? The pain will lessen every day until you feel more like your old self. Yes, you lost the current “love of your life,” but who is to say that you will not meet the real “love of your life” next week, next month, or next year. You will find love again, and it may even be better than you had before. So, how do you heal from a broken heart? Well, you follow the steps listed below, of course! Listed below are ways to heal from a broken heart:
Acknowledge Your Feelings
A good way to heal from a broken heart is to acknowledge your feelings. Bottling up your emotions will only drive you “stir crazy.” And, in worst case scenarios, it can actually drive you insane. So, don’t act as if “everything is ok” when it is not. If you are angry – be angry, and if you are sad – be sad. In other words, don’t ignore or dismiss the pain and hurt you feel because you don’t want others to judge or pity you. Refrain from stalking your ex (i.e. calling him or her all of the time, riding by his or her house several times a day, begging him or her to take you back, having others spy on him or her, etc.).
Why? Well, because it will make you look “cray-cray,” and it may cause you to end up in jail – on stalking and harassment charges. You don’t want that, do you? No, of course not! So, acknowledge your feelings in a healthy way like: writing a letter to your ex, explaining how you feel. Note: Do not, I repeat, do not mail the letter once you finish pouring out your wounded heart, instead read it to yourself, rip it up, burn it, or put it away for safe keeping. If you decide to keep your letter, which is not recommended, put it away somewhere private and safe, and leave it there until you have completely healed from the breakup. If you keep re-reading the letter, while you are trying to heal, it will only make you long for your ex even more.
Focus on Yourself & Lean on Friends
Another excellent way to heal from a broken heart is to focus on yourself. What do you like to do? What have you wanted to do, but couldn’t, while you were with your ex? What makes you happy? What do you enjoy? What interests you? When you were with your ex, you probably neglected your friends, to some degree – that is normal. When you are in love, especially when it is a new relationship, your friends may unintentionally slip through the cracks. Well, now that you are no longer with your ex, this is the perfect time to reconnect. Apologize to your friends for your absence, and lack of attention, and then ask them for forgiveness.
Do not be too afraid to approach your friends. Why not? Well, because regardless of the distance that has grown between you – they still care about you, if they are true friends. They will accept you back into the fold – with a little groveling. They will also be a good support system for you as you heal from your breakup and re-enter the social scene. So, pamper yourself – go get a haircut, try out a new hair color, go shopping, join a gym and develop an exercise routine, consume healthier foods, start a new hobby, learn how to play an instrument, take dancing lessons, write a book, spend more time with friends and family, and/or adopt a pet. Now is the time to do what makes you happy.
Although you may not feel like socializing right now, you will in a few months. Socializing does not necessarily mean dating, rather it simply means getting out and interacting with others. It is important to note that at first you probably will have to force yourself to attend events, parties, and gatherings with friends, family members, and co-workers, but as you heal from the loss of your previous relationship, it will get easier to socialize with others. In fact, eventually you will become excited at the prospect of “hanging out” and having a good time.
Note: Do not date until you feel ready, and if someone asks you out on a date before that time, politely decline. So, after you have had a few months to adjust to your new reality, make yourself accept invitations to dinners, movies, dance clubs, parties, etc. And, hype yourself up to go by telling yourself, “I can’t wait to go to dinner with so and so.” If you keep telling yourself that you want to socialize, and you keep forcing yourself to go out, eventually you will start to enjoy it.
Forgive & Move On
Eventually, you will be ready to move on with your life, but first you will need to aid in the healing process by forgiving yourself and your ex. Truth-be-told, you probably both made mistakes when you were together. That is normal – people make mistakes, however, to heal from your heartbreak, you have to take responsibility for your actions, forgive yourself and your ex, and move on with your life. Truth-be-told, this is a really hard step, especially if you really believed that your ex was “the one,” but it is one that you must take if you want to have a happy life.
Don’t pressure yourself - it will take time to forgive and an even longer time to move on with your life, but you will do it. Why? Well, because you have no choice. So, learn from your mistakes, and take notes of your wants, desires, needs, and pet peeves, so that you can apply them to your new relationship (when you are ready). Do not hold grudges or seek revenge on your ex. Why? Well, because those kinds of negative behaviors are immature, petty, and unhealthy. Be a grown up, and pick up the pieces of your heart. Eventually, the pain and hurt will subside, and you will be ready to love again, but in order to do that you will need to “let it go.”
- Dr. R. Y. Langham
Goodreads. (2015). Quotes about healing. Retrieved from http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/healing
Smith, M. & Segal, J. (2015). Coping with grief and loss. Help Guide. Retrieved form http://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief-loss/coping-with-grief-and-loss.htm
Teens Health by Nemours. (2015). Getting over a breakup. Retrieved from http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/relationships/broken_heart.html