How to Find a Healthy Connection in 
Your Marriage

Have you found that you have difficulties connecting to your spouse? Have you noticed that you lack that passion that you once had but can’t find anymore? Have you been starting to get bored in your marriage? Answering yes to any of these questions puts you in the bracket with many others, including where I was a few months ago. I have been with my spouse for the past 5 years (married for the last 2 years). We had our fair share of fun and excitement just like everyone seems to at the beginning of our relationship. However, the last year or so things started to stray. It seemed like we were just living mates rather than spouses. This is very common and for all of you who have ever felt like this, I want to be the one to tell you that there certainly is hope that things can get better. You can find the healthy connection in your marriage that you are looking for. It will take work on both you and your spouses’ part but with this extra advice you can move forward.

What are some of the tips for finding a healthy connection in your marriage?

Having a healthy connection in your marriage is what helps to keep your marriage alive. Unfortunately, there are so many marriages that end in divorce. This is saddening but it is possible with dedication, commitment and excitement in your marriage to keep your marriage alive. The first thing that you are going to need if you are feeling bored with your marriage or if you feel like something is missing is to find that healthy connection. The question then is how you can find that connection. I am here to help. My husband and I are on our way to reconnecting and it feels great.

The first step in finding that healthy connection is to figure out what each spouse feels is missing. Finding out what each spouse feels is missing can be fun but it can cause problems if you are not careful as well. Before beginning this activity both spouses should agree not to judge the other person’s needs. This is very important. Each spouse is putting out there what they want in the marriage so be respectful of that. For example, I wanted my husband to notice me more (hold my hand, hug me, kiss me randomly) and I wanted to go out on dates with him. My husband wanted me to appreciate him more and wanted me to be more honest with him. We agreed that all of these things were reasonable expectations. Where did we go from there and where can you go from here?

The next step is for each partner to work together on achieving these needs. When it came to this step (my husband and I still struggle sometimes) it can be tricky. It takes effort from both spouses to reach these needs. The person in need of something (my husband needed me to appreciate him more) must be willing to speak up when they feel they are not getting their need fulfilled. Nobody can read minds, even if they think they can. Now, with this example I had to slow down (with my fast paced mind this wasn’t and still sometimes isn’t easy) to realize everything my husband did for the family and for me. I have been able to slow down and tell him he was appreciated and show him I appreciated him too (a kiss for making dinner, etc.). Create this list (each do it separately and then share with each other).

Finally, keep working at meeting these needs and have fun while doing it. Finding a healthy connection that has been lost somewhere in a marriage can be fun. While working at meeting each other’s needs, smile. You can have fun with your spouse (For example, if you want to go out on a date, pick a unique one- spend the night outside). Connecting with each other again is like having another chance at that first time you met. Recreate those memories and have fun getting to know your spouse again.

Reconnecting with your spouse does help to keep your marriage alive. Remember, both spouses’ must be willing and ready to make this connection again. Talk with your spouse, let them know your needs and get to know theirs too. Find that connection again and live your marriage lively and fun.