How To Become A Better Parent

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Do you sometimes feel like you could do a better job at being a parent?  I am confident that every parent has had this run through their mind a time or two, or many times!  Parenting is tough.  In fact, you can only give what you have which is why the first step of becoming a better parent is changing the way you treat YOURSELF!  Learn how to manage your emotions because if you can’t, then your kids will not be able to manage theirs. 

To Become A Happier Person:  

• Commit yourself!

• Envision how you will feel and what your life will be like if you keep this commitment.  You will notice how much closer to your child you will feel and how much happier your child is.  Your child will be more cooperative!

• Program your subconscious!  Everyday revisit your commitment and how you will feel for keeping the commitment.

• Your human and humans make mistakes!  When this happens, give yourself full compassion, give apology to your child, and take that positive step towards the right direction.  Regardless of how many steps you take, whether it is forward or back, it still takes you to where you would like to go! 

• Everyday make a positive small change.  Give yourself constant motivation and find the support you need.  Big changes will eventually come sooner or later!

Do you want to know where to begin to make yourself a happier person and a better parent?  Start will these ten commitments, whether your start with just one or commit to them all.  You WILL see a difference!

The 10 Commandments for Great Parenting

1.  Commit to staying centered and taking care of yourself so you can be the patient, encouraging and happy parent that your deserving child needs most.  That means you need to integrate sustainable daily self-nurturing into your into your daily life:  Maintain your mood by eating healthfully, better rest yourself by going to bed earlier, if you have inner negative voices, transform them into positive and encouraging ones, and enjoy your life by slowing down your pace!  Managing yourself needs to be the most important commitment.  Remember, deregulated emotions you might have makes your child look like the enemy.  Do not engage your child until you have calmed yourself down. 

2.  Commit your love to the one you are with.  Kids as part of their child development thrive off of feeling cherished and loved.  I don’t mean the kids that ARE loved, after all, there are a lot of parents who love their children that don’t thrive.  The kids that FEEL loved for who they are tend to be the ones who thrive.  It takes different approaches for every child, as they are all unique.  Cherish your child for being who your child is while guiding his or her behavior.  Celebrate every time your child steps in the right direction!

3.  Commit to reconnecting when you are separated.  Quality time is mostly unstructured and is not about teaching, but about connection.  When you are ready to leave in the morning, give your child a hug goodbye.  When you reunite later on in the day, focus fifteen minutes solely on your child.  Devote your evening to your family before dinner time and eat together!  Snuggle your child every night at bed time.

4.  Commit to respecting role models.  Do you want to raise children through the teenage years who are respectful and considerate?  Speak to them respectfully after taking a deep breath.  I know that it isn’t easy when you are angry, but remember the rules of emotion control with your children:  Do not take it personally - You are the role model and this shall pass!           

5.  Commit to teaching emotional self-management.  Teach your children how to manage their emotions by doing these:

• Teaching them how to self-soothe.  Contrary to what most have heard, young ones do not learn to self-soothe by being left alone to cry it out.  If fact, this creates an overly-active amygdala which in return creates a panic response in later life.  

• Even with limited actions, give them the message that their feelings is understandable.

• Empathize with their emotions.

• When they are expressing feelings, listen to them!  

6.  Commit to searching for your child’s behavioral needs.  Although it can displease you, your child has a reason that they are mis-bahaving, whatever the reason may be.  Even though you might not consider their own rational to be a good idea, it is the motivating reason for their behavior, so you must first understand the WHY of what they are doing before you can determine the HOW of taking posiitve action.  If yelling was going to work to change the behavior, it would have already worked.  You MUST address the underlying need in order to change the behavior. 

7.  Commit against punishment and for guidance.  Kids only want to please us.  They harden their hearts when we constantly discipline and criticize them.  Rather than focusing on the misbehavior, empathically set limits and swap punishment for re-direction of focus and end up with kids who are self-disciplined and WANT to behave.

8.  Commit to a gratitude attitude and remembering what is important.  Choose your battles and stay POSITIVE!  Valuable relationship capital is used up with every negative interaction.  Focus on things that matter, such as the way your kid is treating siblings.  I know that jacket on the floor might make you crazy, but is it really worth putting your relationship bank in the red?  Every single thing your child does that you are happy about, be grateful for.

9.  Commit to compassion and radical self-acceptance.  Give yourself LOVE!  We only feel and make more by giving it away, so go ahead and stretch your heart out to your children.  For any reason you ever feel bad, offer love to yourself and your life will amazingly transform.

10.   Keep Perspective.  Everyone makes mistakes, your children do and so do you.  There are no perfect children, perfect families or perfect parents, but there are families where everyone thrives off of the embrace of love.  To create that kind of family, you must take it in that direction.  You will find yourself before you know it in a whole new landscape if you just take these positive steps!

- Erin