How to Avoid Moving Too Quickly in a New Relationship

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"Beauty is only skin deep. If you go after someone just because she's beautiful, but don't have anything to talk about, it's going to get boring really fast. You want to look beyond the surface, and see if you can have fun together, or if you have anything in common with that person."

~Amanda Peet

Have you recently entered into a new relationship? Are you bursting with love and excitement for your new partner? If you recently became “attached” to someone, you know how easy it is to get swept up in a sea of emotions. Your hormones are in overdrive. And, your first instinct is probably to speed ahead, but STOP! Don’t do that. Take your time, and get to know your new partner, before picking out your wedding dress or moving in with one another. In fact, the worst thing you can do for yourself and your new relationship is to move too quickly. For example, if you have only been dating for a couple of months, and you decide to move in together, you risk finding out that you are not compatible, while living together uncomfortably.

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If you wait for a while (preferably 6 months to 1 year) before taking big steps like moving in together or getting married, you will know the person, you are about to commit to much better. In fact, you will know way a head of the “moving in” stage and definitely before the “I Do” stage. Take baby steps, and if your new partner really loves you and wants to be with you, he or she will respect your decision and wait until you are ready to take the next step in your relationship. Are you wondering how to avoid moving too quickly in your new relationship? If so, you have come to the right place. This article will teach you how to avoid moving too quickly when you are in love.     

Listed below are ways to avoid moving too quickly in a new relationship:

What Do You Want?

The first thing you will want to do to avoid moving too quickly in your relationship is decide what you really want from a partner and a relationship. Does an aggressive partner make you cringe? Does a passive partner bore you? What kind of partner are you looking for? Do you prefer to take relationships slow, or do you have a tendency to jump into relationships, without careful thought? For instance, if you are the type of person, who likes to go out and party on the weekends, but your partner is the type of person, who prefers to stay at home and cuddle, you may ultimately be incompatible (if there are other major differences between you). Moving in together or getting engaged or married too quickly can lead to a disaster, especially if you have little-to-nothing in common.

Do You Have Time For a Relationship?

Another way to avoid moving too quickly in your relationship is to determine if you really have the time needed to make your relationship flourish. If you are super busy with work, friends, and/or other commitments, you probably do not have enough time to make a relationship work. If you do have the time, you may not be invested enough in the relationship to sacrifice time with friends and family. Relationships take time and a lot of effort, so if you don’t have that time, your relationship will flounder and eventually fail. Moving too quickly, such as moving in together after a few weeks or months, or getting engaged or married within a short amount of time will only make the process of breaking up even more heartbreaking and/or difficult. Taking your time and moving at a slow or steady pace will help ensure a long-lasting and successful relationship.

Do You Have Friends and/or Family You Can Spend Time With?

If you want to avoid moving too quickly in your new relationship, you will need to spend time away from your partner. In other words, you will need to invest time in outside people and activities. If you spend too much time with your partner, you both may begin to feel smothered or stifled. Try to go out with friends (of the same sex) every once in a while, and find a couple of hobbies. Why? Well, it will give your partner time to miss you, and it will give you something to talk about when you aren’t with your beloved. Also, encourage your partner to go out with his or her friends and family. Spending time apart will help you determine, if this is the right relationship for you.

Are You Physically Intimate With One Another?

One of the worst things you can do when starting a new relationship is to become intimate too quickly. Truth-be-told, you are the only one that can determine when the right time to have sex is, but think about it carefully before jumping in with both feet. Why? Well, because it can cause you to misinterpret sex for love, thereby causing you to stay in an unhealthy relationship for way too long. Try to set a guideline of when you will sleep together for the first time, or any time for that matter. If possible, give your relationship a 6 month to a year waiting time, before having sex, and if you are already having sex limit it to a few times a week, until you are sure this is the right relationship for you.

Be Honest

You can also avoid speeding ahead in your new relationship by being honest with yourself and your partner about what you want, need, and expect from him or her and the relationship. Do not change who you are for another person. Be yourself and if your partner really loves you, he or she will stick by you. A relationship cannot survive if the people in it are dishonest. So, if you feel that the relationship is moving too quickly be honest. In other words, tell your partner how you feel. Your partner will respect you for it, and it will also strengthen your relationship.

Seek Advice

You may also want to seek the advice of a close friend or family member, if you feel that you may be moving too quickly in your new relationship. Make sure the person you share your thoughts and feelings with is trustworthy and dependable. Listen to what your confidant has to say, and weigh your options carefully. For instance, if your friend tells you to slow down, you may need to listen to him or her. Why? Well, because your friend has your best interest at heart, and he or she may see things that you can’t or won’t see. Talk to your friends, before moving in with your new partner, or marrying him or her. 

- Dr. R. Y. Langham

References:

Brainy Quotes. (2015). Relationship quotes. Retrieved from http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/a/amandapeet411620.html?src=t_fast

Grohol, J. (2015). 5 things not to do in your new relationship. Psych Central. Retrieved from http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/09/05/5-things-not-to-do-in-your-new-relationship/

Psychology Today. (2015). All about relationships. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/relationships

Wachs, K. M. (2015). Pacing a new romantic relationship. Relationships for Dummies. Retrieved from http://www.dummies.com/how-to/content/pacing-a-new-romantic-relationship.html