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Have you ever felt sad when you later found out that you were angry? Have you ever felt angry when you were really just stressed out?
If you have felt either of these ways and had feelings that were confused with another then you are like millions of others. This is very common and one of the main reasons for this is because some people have not learned or have just forgotten how to have healthier expression of their feelings. This is something that can be fixed. For over 10 years I have had feelings that I displayed as another feeling. You see, though, I had never really learned a proper way to express my feelings due to the way I was raised and due to my past. I would always get upset that other people couldn’t or wouldn’t understand the way that I was feeling but how could they if I didn’t express my feelings in a healthy and appropriate way. I realized that if I wanted to have healthier relationships and if I wanted others to know what I was truly feeling then I had to have healthier expression of my feelings. Some of the things that I have tried have been working for me and I hope they can work for many of you reading this as well.
What are some of the ways that you can have healthier expression of your feelings?
Expressing your feelings in a healthy way is very important. For over 10 years, I would get angry at someone because I would immediately get defensive about something that they didn’t even say. I would jump to conclusions when they started talking due to my connection issues from past situations (that weren’t even related to that person). I would cry about things and I had no idea why I was crying or what I was really feeling. It is very important to make sure that you express your feelings in a healthy and appropriate way. If you don’t learn to do this then it could destroy many of your relationships as it has mine.
Journaling can help with all feelings and to figure out your feelings as well. One of the things that I started doing about 4 years ago was journaling (writing in a journal or art journaling) to express my feelings. There were many times that I had no idea how I was feeling until I finished writing or creating an art piece in my journal. When I re-read the words I had wrote or looked at the picture I had created I was better able to recognize and understand my own feelings. If you do not currently have a journal, it is highly recommended to express your feelings in a healthier and more appropriate way.
Stop and think about what you feel before speaking. There are way too many times when people say things that they later regret. I can’t even count the number of times that I have done this and I still do sometimes. However, when I realized that I was not that great of a listener I learned two things. First of all, this meant that I wasn’t really listening to what others had to say so I was feeling things that I probably shouldn’t have been sometimes. Second of all, this also meant that I wasn’t really listening to myself and what my mind and heart were telling me. I knew I had to make some changes in this aspect. I started to consciously think about listening when others were talking. This has helped me to really hear what they were saying which leads to a better understanding on my part and less false feelings. I have also started thinking more about how I really feel and not just my first reaction or what I think I feel. I have been taking a feeling that I have and breaking it apart: why do I feel this way, what happened, is this an appropriate feeling, if not what do I really feel? This has helped tremendously to express my feelings in a healthier way too.
Feelings can be a confusing mess at times which is all the more reason to express them in a healthier and more appropriate way. There are so many different feelings out there it can sometimes be hard to distinguish what you actually feel. Maybe you can try some of the things that have worked for me.