Dealing With Hostile People
In The Work-Place

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Have you ever wondered why there are some people have everything they could ask for but are aggressive and demeaning?  Have you ever stopped to think that perhaps they are depressed?  What about the people in your life that truly seem to have it all? How about the person in at your work-place that performs above average, but never comes out of his or her office? Could this be a sign of passive aggression toward others? 

There are no specific symptoms of depression, which affects everyone differently. Researchers and psychologists rarely discuss how success and intelligence can be symptoms of depression, and the topic is very personal for me. After I turned 30, I started reflecting on my past relationships with people in my personal life and my professional life, but I noticed that everybody I knew just seemed to disappear - They did not form any real, meaningful, and lasting connections with the people around them.  Again - Almost everybody that I have known and met has basically disappeared into the wood-work after brief encounters in the work-place.  Could this be a signal that people are becoming more isolated and depressed as corporate environments change into shark tanks?

Although I am consistently friendly and kind toward everyone, I have often discovered that people have wanted to use me as a means to an end for whatever reason. Now, I was always loner, so it didn’t used to bother me until I started my career. However, I quickly learned that some people are able to hide their real motives very well - Especially when some of my former co-workers would repeatedly stand me up for lunch and exclude me from after work activities without any apparant explanation. Although I was hurt because I was consistently kind and generous with my connections, I soon learned to stop caring about how people felt about me, realizing that they were usually the ones with the problem.  Could this level of social disconnection be a subtle indicator of a more pervasive low-level depression in the work-place?  Some people even actively take advantage of others when they come into powerful positions, and they may only want to be around you because you make them look good. These “leaches” may see you as a way to get ahead in life, and continuous contact with “leaches” will make you start questioning everyone’s motives.

More importantly, you will start to avoid people and become paranoid. The worst thing that can you can do is to start thinking no one wants to be around you, regardless of your success. Some people are able to hide such feelings. But, you start to wonder if you sacrificed genuine relationships for success.  I have felt the same way. I have always wondered why someone wanted to be around me, especially people in the workplace when there was no clear reason, but I have learned that people in your workplace will be nice to you in order to siphon information from you and find a way to make you look bad in front of your peers - This isn't resentment speaking, it's actually true.  Whether they do this consciously or unconsciously, only they and their psychotherapist will know, but it's a real phenomenon in the work-place. The best way to handle individuals who exhibit this type of behavior is to be gracious, but never let them get close enough to "use" you as a means to their own ends while harming you in the process.

It's not all bad out there.  There are very few people in the world that you can label a true friend, but those few who can are the ones that count.  Most people in a standard work-place may shy away from you, but they shy away from you because they fear you, and they are intimidated by you - Not because you are not a quality person.  However, if you allow these types of fearful responses from others to get the better of you, this type of behavior can lead to low self-esteem, bitterness, and loneliness.  If this is happening to you, I encourage you to use these events as opportunities to increase your own sense of self-confidence. I do. I never let anyone take away my joy, and I see their attempts to control as an opportunity to develop more emotional strength. Yes, there are times when I have my own pity party, but I have learned that not everyone is going to like me, and some people will just want to use me in order to get ahead in whatever project they are engaged with.  This a part of life.

- Heather Browning, MBA. BA