The third thing I would like to offer today around mindful sexuality, showing up with intimacy, exploring the whole palette, imagination, curiosity, presence and foreplay, the third is mindful orgasm, to your earlier question and a question I get a lot because we’re interested in transcended orgasm, as well we should be. So the thing with orgasm is again, a little bit of a sex therapy stats for you and for everybody, the average male orgasm lasts seven seconds. The average female orgasm lasts 21 seconds. So we go, it's maybe harder to get there but it's well worth having. But as far as I am concerned, that's pulling a bunch of underachievers because there are ways, and these are not easy and it's not a quick fix thing, but there are ways to cultivate the ability to have orgasms that last and last and last, and there are some variations on this. The term often used is multiple orgasm for women and for women that's physiologically possible, that a woman can have an orgasm and then have another one and then another one. For the male anatomy, that's not physiologically possible. If the male ejaculates, he is not able to immediately have another orgasm and ejaculation. There is a refractory period. It's quite short in a healthy young man. Can be longer as men get into their 40s, 50s, 60s.
But the possibility to cultivate what might be called a tantric orgasm, or an extended orgasm, is possible for males or females and that has a lot to do with mindfulness. It has a lot to do with working with the mind. It has a lot to do with staying deeply, deeply present. I will give a couple of hints on that now. One is, a lot of people, a lot of the time, when they are approaching orgasm with a partner or on their own, they are not present at all. In fact, they are in fantasy. They are literally somewhere else doing something else with someone else in their head, while they are approaching orgasm and making love with their partner. That is not what I am offering. Certainly not going to be part of a healthy sexuality. But if you want to cultivate this mindful sexuality, which by the way, isn't necessarily some just serene or loving, oh, we are having this mindful sexuality. It can also be incredibly hot and incredibly raw and incredibly spicy and incredibly explosive. It's not like this is some sort of spiritual sexuality that doesn't connect to the lust and the groin and the passion.
But the possibility to cultivate what might be called a tantric orgasm, or an extended orgasm, is possible for males or females and that has a lot to do with mindfulness. It has a lot to do with working with the mind. It has a lot to do with staying deeply, deeply present. I will give a couple of hints on that now. One is, a lot of people, a lot of the time, when they are approaching orgasm with a partner or on their own, they are not present at all. In fact, they are in fantasy. They are literally somewhere else doing something else with someone else in their head, while they are approaching orgasm and making love with their partner. That is not what I am offering. Certainly not going to be part of a healthy sexuality. But if you want to cultivate this mindful sexuality, which by the way, isn't necessarily some just serene or loving, oh, we are having this mindful sexuality. It can also be incredibly hot and incredibly raw and incredibly spicy and incredibly explosive. It's not like this is some sort of spiritual sexuality that doesn't connect to the lust and the groin and the passion.
