So the first step to mindful sexuality, which may sound odd because it doesn't involve groins yet, is to be able to really slow down and shut up, to be blunt. Slow down and shut up both the verbal and the inner dialogue as much as possible. Untrained minds will do what untrained minds do but to cultivate slowing the mind down so I can actually connect with you right here and right now. Now when is this easy? This is usually easy in dating and in early falling in love because we are so freaking excited about each other that we are absorbed and we are at that crowded restaurant and leaning into you and I’m just hanging on every word and the whole world narrows and the focus is on you and I. So it's something that we know how to do naturally. But over time, we lose that because we get bored and believe that we know a lot about what's happening and the familiarity can lead to the mind drifting.
So showing up with intimacy in this moment is the first step. And there is all sorts of teachings around but I will lay that out for now. The second step in terms of mindful sexuality is kind of a take-home to work with and challenge yourself on is something I call exploring the whole palette of sexuality and the whole palette of sensuality. So for example, a lot of people listening may be mindfulness meditators and they may be familiar with and have done a certain meditation. But I think Jon Kabat-Zinn first introduced…not quite sure if he was the first one. He’s the first one that I heard it from. And it's the raisin that meditation, you may have well done this yourself. And in the raisin meditation, you are in a room and usually in a meditation retreat and you are given the raisin and you put it in the palm of your hand and the instruction is very simple. You start by looking at that raisin and you’ve probably, I hadn't, never really looked at a raisin deeply before. And you start to roll it around and you feel the texture and the bumps and the ridges and the firmness and the softness of the texture and you do this much more slowly than I am modeling it right now.
And then you take the raisin and you put it in your mouth without biting and you just place it on your tongue and you notice any flavor and again, texture, and maybe you roll it around in your mouth. And then eventually, you place it between your teeth and you bite down and what happens is this profound release of flavor and maybe this process has evoked thoughts of vine yards and sunlight and the concept of this grape being shriveled down to a raisin. It's a really profoundly sensual experience. Simply because you slowed it down and paid profound attention to something.
So showing up with intimacy in this moment is the first step. And there is all sorts of teachings around but I will lay that out for now. The second step in terms of mindful sexuality is kind of a take-home to work with and challenge yourself on is something I call exploring the whole palette of sexuality and the whole palette of sensuality. So for example, a lot of people listening may be mindfulness meditators and they may be familiar with and have done a certain meditation. But I think Jon Kabat-Zinn first introduced…not quite sure if he was the first one. He’s the first one that I heard it from. And it's the raisin that meditation, you may have well done this yourself. And in the raisin meditation, you are in a room and usually in a meditation retreat and you are given the raisin and you put it in the palm of your hand and the instruction is very simple. You start by looking at that raisin and you’ve probably, I hadn't, never really looked at a raisin deeply before. And you start to roll it around and you feel the texture and the bumps and the ridges and the firmness and the softness of the texture and you do this much more slowly than I am modeling it right now.
And then you take the raisin and you put it in your mouth without biting and you just place it on your tongue and you notice any flavor and again, texture, and maybe you roll it around in your mouth. And then eventually, you place it between your teeth and you bite down and what happens is this profound release of flavor and maybe this process has evoked thoughts of vine yards and sunlight and the concept of this grape being shriveled down to a raisin. It's a really profoundly sensual experience. Simply because you slowed it down and paid profound attention to something.
