3 Ways To Find The Perfect Guy
Girls all over the world daydream about their future husband from a very young age. What he will look like, how kind he will be, what their wedding will be like, and what their children will be called are just some of the thoughts that occur to young women and girls everywhere. Because we have spent so much time thinking about 'him', we are in love before our man even arrives!
So where is he?
Sometimes, we latch on to the first guy that comes along, and transfer all our feelings from 'Dream Guy' onto him. We hope and wish and convince ourselves that this is 'Dream Guy' until he does something so obnoxious that the dream has to die! Then we dump him, cry over him, and continue our quest for Mr Right.
But when we cry over a guy, it is very rare that we actually cry because of losing him.Sometimes we barely even know the guys we fall in love with. We cry because we thought he was 'Dream Guy' and that finally that long-awaited day had come, but then found out we were mistaken.
How can we stop making this mistake?
1. Improve self-esteem
What has self-esteem got to do with finding the perfect guy?
As women, we are designed to love, we just can't help it, and that's okay. In fact, it's beautiful! But sometimes we give our love away to the wrong people. For us to stop doing that, we have to direct our love to ourselves first. This means that we have to truly want the best for ourselves and our lives.
Sometimes it can be really difficult to learn to treat ourselves kindly, as we have been so used to neglecting our own needs. This doesn't mean that we should become selfish or conceited, but that we can use our innate nurturing skills to improve the way we feel about ourselves. This type of self-development is crucial to forming new relationships that can flourish.
When we feel good about ourselves and enjoy spending time alone, we don't feel the need to rush into a relationship. As women, we crave love and companionship, which is only natural, but if we have low-self esteem, we may settle for a short term fix to address our immediate emotional needs. So desperate for the love and affection we crave, we might convince ourselves that a man is 'Dream Guy' without having gotten to know him well enough. This is what leads to heartbreak and relationship disaster.
But when we invest time in boosting our self-esteem, we feel secure enough in ourselves that we can take time getting to know the men we meet, without rushing for the next step. This means that when we do decide to take it to the next level, it will be an educated decision that is more likely to lead to our long-term happiness.
2. Become 'Dream Girl'!
To marry 'Dream Guy', you might just have to become 'Dream Girl'!
A common mistake we make in many aspects of our lives, especially relationships, is to focus on what we can get rather than what we can give. If we think in this way while we wait for 'Dream Guy', these destructive thought patterns can actually ruin the relationship when he comes along.
Expecting him to lavish us with love, affection and understanding 24 hours a day is the ideal, and it can be achieved. But first, we have to realize that this takes a whole lot of effort on his part. To expect him to be attentive to our needs all the time, we should be prepared to be attentive to his needs all the time, too.
Men's romantic needs are often different from what women like, so buying him flowers and telling him how beautiful he is might not cut it! Learning what makes the opposite sex feel truly loved, valued and respected takes a lot of time and energy, as well as self-development work, but it can have huge power to improve our relationship, when it comes along. When we take time away from relationships to work on personal growth, it might feel like a step in the wrong direction, but in reality, it is an investment in our future.
Making ourselves the 'Dream Girl' is what will attract the 'Dream Guy' and keep the dream alive!
3. Focus on understanding
Sometimes we are so sure of what a 'Dream Guy' is that we can get fixated on it. Every guy is compared to the ideal we have in our head. In one way, this is good, because it helps us keep a high standard.
But it can also be very destructive. It can prevent us from seeing men as full, 3 dimensional people. The temptation is to perceive men as what they are to us, rather than just as what they are. Just like us, men have their insecurities, emotions and struggles.
If we place too much value on romance, we can lose sight of who the man sitting in front of us actually is, and ironically, this kills romance. No matter what the media portrays, men want to be in relationships where they are understood, just like us. When we take the time out to understand men, and their thoughts, fears, hopes and dreams, we can build a foundation that could last a lifetime.
- Iman Mohiki
This is one of the #1 most comprehensive Psychology Books ever written, and it's free on Kindle (Get a copy, because it's like a Masters Degree wrapped-up into a single book). However, I recommend that you upgrade to the Print edition, because that copy comes with images.
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